Thoughts for Today.

"Never speak a cross word-- not one. There are many who teach that it is normal and expected for contention, bickering, and strife to be a part of marriage. But that is false doctrine."

-Boyd K. Packer

There are times when the only words that come out of my mouth are words of criticism or complaint. Sometimes, the thoughts that run through my mind are unkind. I think it is the nature of man (or woman) to think or say these things. 

But it is not worth it.

While sitting in my LDS Marriage and Family class this afternoon, I (re) learned the most beautiful and necessary message I could have heard. 

Contention in the home is detrimental.

Everyone fights, though... Right?

True. We all have our arguments, our weak spots, our pet peeves. BUT we should do our very best to avoid contention in the home. It is not conducive to the Spirit, and it leaves the couple feeling distant and drained.

Plus, what exactly are we fighting about anyway? To be honest, most of the time I can't even remember. So let's focus on preference vs. principle. A preference is "I like to squeeze the toothpaste tube from the bottom and I cannot stand when you squeeze it from the top." I know that many of the arguments that I have been a part of involve some sort of disagreement on preference. Does that really matter? In the end, no. Choose to see past the imperfections of your spouse and don't let your preferences become the cause of an argument.

What matters are issues like Church attendance, matters of fidelity, honesty, child-rearing, etc. Those are things to seriously consider with your spouse (but don't fight over these either!).

What about all the fights we've already had?

My professor said the most eloquent thing about this question, and I could never say it better than him. "There's nothing we can do about our past, but we can choose, from this day forward, to follow that doctrine [of avoiding contention]. And if we slip up, we can choose to apologize quickly. If we are on the receiving end, we can forgive quickly."

In fact, it even tells us in the scriptures that God "freely forgives" us (see the reference here). So as we strive to become more like Him, we should freely forgive our brothers and sisters here on earth.

Why is this even important?

Contention means, "I'm right and you're wrong."

But we need to have the "win-win" mentality. We want our spouse to succeed just as badly as we want ourselves to succeed. So rather than one person being right ("winning") and the other being wrong ("losing"), we should get rid of the contention, and simply compromise. This way, both parties feel like their opinions, concerns, etc. were heard by the other, and both feel a sense of contentment with the resolution.

"Anything we do to strengthen our spouse strengthens us as well. Likewise, anything we do to tear our spouse down also tears us down."

-Dr. Brooks (BYU professor)

Let us focus on lifting up those around us. Let us avoid contention in the home. It will bring strength and happiness into our lives.

Also... Today has been awesome! Got to wear a cute dress to school for no good reason, it's like 70 something degrees outside right now (YAY!), and even my most boring class today was interesting.

Yep, that's my American Heritage professor.